Fail

Why hello there. Nice to see you again. It’s been awhile. How have you been? Me? Oh, I’ve been in my bed with this raging throat thing, finally starting to get over it, not quite %100 yet, but getting there. Yeah, that’s why you haven’t seen me. Well, that and the invisibility potion…

Imagine, it is early morning, you’re just waking up. The sun is poking through your window, birds are chirping away outside, you can hear your cat meowing his brains out down stairs at whomever is making coffee, the smell of which perks your senses up a bit. Then you try to swallow. It hurts. Bad.

That was me this past, what, Saturday? I fought through it but by Sunday I was trying really hard not to talk because that hurt. Monday I stayed in bed all day (which wasn’t too fun because of the fever and feeling nasty thing, but it did allow me to catch up on the fantastic show known as Doctor Who!), Tuesday I actually didn’t say a word, yesterday was better, and now today, Thursday, here I am. Prolly at %85 or so.

So, to go along with this whole health fail that I’ve had lately, I thought today would be a perfect day to discuss baking fails!

Even the most experienced baker has fails (or so I’ve heard), so really it shouldn’t be anything that upsets you.

But oh, it hurts. It stings. It makes you want to pick up your cookies/bread/cinnamonrolls/wtfisthat and chuck against the wall and scream at it. It makes you want to cry. Sometimes, it does make you cry.

Case in point: I had this great idea for cupcakes in my head. Vanilla cupcakes with Lime Curd filling and a fresh Blackberry frosting. Sounds deadly, no? Well, let’s begin to make them. First batch of cupcakes went just great, nice and moist, curd filling turned out amazing, and they were going to be wonderful. Then came the frosting. It was this beautiful purple, made with cream cheese and fresh blackberries just thrown in and blended all together. But it was those blackberries that brought the cupcakes to their doom. They had so much liquid in them that the frosting would not stiffen no matter how much powdered sugar was added. Not wanting to risk the frosting tasting too much like sugar and not enough like blackberries I thought “Scruffs, that’s prolly thick enough. Go ahead and pipe it on!”

Oh, was Scruffs wrong. I mean I was wrong. I mean, I am Scruffs so we were both wrong? Great, now I’m all confused.

Where was I? Oh yes! The frosting literally drowned the cupcakes. It dripped off the side, flowed down the paper cups, and made pools on the counter below. It looked more like icing than frosting. So what did I do? Threw a fit. Cried. Yelled. Gave up.

Enter Smidget to the rescue, she added some cornstarch and it was kinda thicker, but then to enhance the blackberry flavor added a bit of cheap (read: disgusting) blackberry brandy to the frosting. Which, of course, is liquid. Which, of course, made it runny again.

In the end, there was no saving them. We had a small service, Rusty brought some flowers (of course he had just dug them out of the backyard, but it’s the thought that counts), and we ended up leaving them on the counter for a few days so they hardened beyond any sort of edible range before we tossed them out.

What a waste. Did that deter me from trying them again? Of course not! If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! Except at fire eating. Or base jumping. Maybe also lion taming.

The second batch of cupcakes went, well, in a word, unsuccessfully. I accidentally forgot just how much flour needed to go into them and put in more than needed. A good bit more. I think maybe a cup or two more. It was one of those things where I was thinking of how many scoops of flour I had used in another recipe I had just done instead of what the actual amount was for the cupcakes. That’s a thing, right?

Ok, so then for those, let’s just make some Nutella frosting to go with them. They’re still good and edible, just dryer than the glorious moist cupcakes I meant to make.

Then attempt number three. The cupcakes came out fine, the curd filling still went good. For the frosting instead of just throwing blackberries in I made blackberry curd to put in, hoping it would keep its shape. It did, a bit. Well, for a minute. I got some pictures right away, bad ones, but that’s it I was done. So, here they are!

That was about five minutes, not even, after frosting. Notice how the frosting is starting to melt already? Yeah. Yeah…Yeah.

Baking fail.

I had another one recently, there are these amazing looking lemon sweet rolls over at this fantastic blog: Cheeky Kitchen. Click on it for the link. Well, I’m not too sure what happened, maybe it’s because I used one big container instead of a bunch of little ones, but it was yet another fail.

The rolls didn’t cook right in the middle, even after breaking them up. Smidget came in and took the big batch, broke them into smaller pieces and put them in tin foil in the oven for ten-fifteen more minutes. Still not done. But oh well, gave up again. It was almost noon anyway, and I had been up and in the kitchen since 7:45 that morning. It was supposed to take, at most, 2 hours or so. I was done.

Then there was the lemon icing. It’s a simple icing, a block of cream cheese, the juice of 6 meyer lemons, and then a bunch (a measly 6 cups) of powdered sugar. Well, the cream cheese didn’t really break up all that well so it was dotted with little bits of cream cheese. And then at about 4 cups of powdered sugar I was completely out. No more powdered sugar left in the house. Needless to say, the icing was a good bit liquidy and very lemon-y fresh. They tasted fine, but it just wasn’t what I wanted and it put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I also didn’t get pictures of those, because the pictures would have continued to haunt me. I’d see evil lemon sweet rolls in my dreams.

Baking fails. They happen. Often. It hurts. It gets you down. Ya just gotta just get back up and keep going. Remember, it happens to everyone and even if it doesn’t work out the way you had planned, it may give you a good story to share!

Oh, remember to like our Facebook page, and even follow me on twitter if you feel like it. Both links are on the side over there! Yeah, right there.

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